good for my soul

well I did it. 

I arrived home from work today and I didnt even stop. I changed shoes and clothes and went for a run. 

Okay, it was more of a fast walk....and I had a few pieces of chocolate before I left BUT I still did it! 

And that is the first step to creating a habit. Actually doing it.  I walked for about half an hour and while I was out walking, I went up to visit my tree.

Yes, I have a tree. Sometimes after work, I'll come to this tree and sit under its branches and lean on its roots and unwind from the day.  Its nice. Its a nice spot. I like it.

And THEN, when  I got home, ( hold onto your chairs peoples) I meditated. 

Yes that's right.  Meditation and run in one day? holy batman!

I listened to a new meditation CD that I bought at the wellness event on the weekend. It was nice, it was relaxing..  I think I fell asleep.  All of a sudden, the soothing voice is telling me to return to the ladder and I was like.. ladder?what ladder?  Arent we on a boat, heading away from a misty beach?

Note to self - do not lie down on bed to meditate.

SO.. the question is - do I feel better? Honestly ? Not really. I'm cranky and irritated today and I have tension in my head and I feel blah and I'm putting all these things down to PMS. ( thanks to Mr Man who is putting up with me.) 

But after a few days, I know that I will feel better and that these two practices are self loving habits that will be good for my soul. 

Now. Go do something that is good for your soul. 

xoxo

everything I need...

I had a fun day yesterday at a local women's natural health and wellness event in the city.  I was inspired by great speakers and reminded of what I should be doing. ( More about that in the next post!)  I was motivated to practice more SELF LOVE and to drink MORE water and LESS alcohol.

Now I have a collection of positive and truth affirmations around the house.
 ( I hope Mr Man doesnt mind.)

I've strugggled a bit today and I'm putting it down to PMS.. and the fact that tomorrow is Monday.
But I'm reminded that I am happy and alive and blessed
and I have everything that I need.

fun with friends!

I had breakfast with a lovely friend last weekend and it was great.  My gluten free, dairy free meal was scrumptious, ( love going out for breakfast!), the conversation went on and on as we jumped from one topic to the next.  A few minor tears on my part but LOTS of laughs as well. I love this friend for her honesty and straight forwardness; she says what she thinks, not what she thinks she SHOULD say or what she thinks I want to hear.  Its just honesty and it was exactly what I needed..

AND last night I caught up with another friend! ( My plan is working, GO ME!) And it was awesome, it was so great to talk to somebody professional and educated about work issues, not to mention EVERY thing else under the sun in my life and hers. A friend who seems to understand a lot about me, and who is in the same kinda stage of life. I had the thought that I really must be leaving early to go home and get things done but then I thought, you know what? Stuff it! I'm out on a Saturday night, in the valley, I'm relaxed, I'm having fun, and I'm with awesome company. STUFF IT.

And I'm glad I did.

the anxious night and the value of girl talk

I had one of those nights the other night.
The 'I cant sleep, anxious heart' kind of nights.
Do I want to talk about it? Not really.
Do I know what was going through my mind ? Not definitively.
I don't really understand why I have such nights.
 Perhaps it stems back from childhood.

I'm too sensitive to other people's moods all day, and at the moment I'm struggling with insecurity.

I've been trying to climb out of this hole and be happy because I have SO much greatness in my life and I have SO much to be grateful for and I am, I am grateful. I dont want to take anyone or anything for granted.
A part of me is scared that Mr Man will get sick of my current address of struggle-town and leave me.
( He wont, by the way. I know that. But I dont know that.)

I feel better today. My week at work was.. ok. Better than the weeks before.
And I have an action plan. A plan to get a better job.

And I'm looking forward to catching up with a friend this weekend.

I've set myself a goal, you see.   To spend time with one friend every weekend.
I havent seen any of my friends for such a long time. I just dont talk to anyone, I talk to Mr Man of course which I love but its not the same.

A girl needs friends y'all. Women folk, girl talk. Sister hood. that kind of thing. So I'm having breakfast with a DEAR friend in the morning, and then next weekend, I'm going out for a drink in the Valley with another.

And it will be good. It will be great.

epiphany of the week

  

Over the last few days, I’ve realised something.  

Not only do I love time alone ( I kind of knew that), I need it.

A few weekends ago, we went out for dinner for Mr Man’s birthday with some great friends. One of them made a comment about his wife’s alone time at home. And she laughed and responded saying that she loves being alone.

I thought about that for a few minutes as I ate my meal. Yeah, I love being alone too. Just time to be and do whatever, by myself.

I had a hard day the other week and after work, I didn’t want to go home. I couldn’t. I needed time to.. unwind and quieten the scream inside of me, the tension, the stress, the frustration and anxiety from the day. So I didn’t go home. I went to MacDonald’s and I sat near the window. I sipped a hot coffee and I watched people walk past and I breathed.

When I got home, an hour later, I felt better, in a better head space,  able to communicate and love and be available and contribute to my family and my home.

Then there was another day that I shouldn’t have come home straight away, but I did.  And I was cranky and frustrated and stressed and it wasn’t a good night. Not for me, not for Mr Man, not for our home.

 So, I’m not coming home now. That’s right; I’m not coming home until I’m ready.  I’m going to go have a cup of tea.  I’m going to lie in the park. I’m going to sit and watch water flow down the river.  I’m going to breathe and relax and forget about the hardness of the day and remember the beauty of my life. 

And that will help. THAT way, I can come home and I can smile, and be happy and I can love. 

The last few months have been. Really hard.

I lost my car. Well, by lost, I mean, we decided to trade it in for a brand new truck. A fantastic awesome truck which we love but which I cant drive.  Yes, that’s right. I’m 30 years old and I am yet to learn how to drive a manual.

I didn’t realise it at the time, but I lost my freedom, and my independence and ability to get in the car and go places on my own. And that meant a lot to me.

At the same time, I’m learning how to drive this big new truck with its clutch and its gears and I just wish I could do it.  But I cant. I try and I fail and then the voice within me, that ‘I’m not good enough’ voice gets louder and louder.  

And it just gets a lot. I’m frustrated with myself and my inability and the amount of bloody emotional shit that I have to drag into simply learning how to drive a manual.

AND then… I left my job. Which turns out also meant a whole lot to me (who knew right?) I got a job much closer to home, better for me, for home, for my family. 

I had a new job to tackle with, a shitty job and I couldn’t talk to my friends every day like I used to.

Now I have another new job. Its frustrating and stressful and very overwhelming.  I’m not a big fan of ‘labels’ but I’m a highly sensitive person and this job leaves me completely overwhelmed and overstimulated every day so I’ve just been feeling much more stressed and anxious ALL the time.

So that brings us to this point and my new found desire to express and love and share and enjoy my life in a new way.

AND at the end of each day,  I am ETERNALLY grateful for THE most wonderful man by my side who is nothing but a constant calm and anchor in my storm of life. I LOVE our life, our home, our pets, and our future.

Tomorrow's forecast - blue skies

Welcome to the relaunch of my blog. It has lain untouch for almost a year while life has given me great surprises, kicks in the gut and plenty of other things to do.

It’s time now, for me to give this whole’ sharing’ online thing another go.  I need to be more honest and open with myself and others. I have to share what I feel  because what I feel matters.  I have to express all that goes on within me and that. Is no.easy. thing.  

So this is a step in the right direction– a daily Blog about my day, my life, my thoughts, my feelings

 I talk, I blog, I share, I open up, I learn that nothing awful is going to happen and that I’m still loved. After a while, I will probably actually start to feel better.  That is how this is going to go.

Join me on this path.  It may just be a wild exciting adventure ( or it may be a little boring, I make no promises.) but I’d sure appreciate your company.