epiphany of the week

  

Over the last few days, I’ve realised something.  

Not only do I love time alone ( I kind of knew that), I need it.

A few weekends ago, we went out for dinner for Mr Man’s birthday with some great friends. One of them made a comment about his wife’s alone time at home. And she laughed and responded saying that she loves being alone.

I thought about that for a few minutes as I ate my meal. Yeah, I love being alone too. Just time to be and do whatever, by myself.

I had a hard day the other week and after work, I didn’t want to go home. I couldn’t. I needed time to.. unwind and quieten the scream inside of me, the tension, the stress, the frustration and anxiety from the day. So I didn’t go home. I went to MacDonald’s and I sat near the window. I sipped a hot coffee and I watched people walk past and I breathed.

When I got home, an hour later, I felt better, in a better head space,  able to communicate and love and be available and contribute to my family and my home.

Then there was another day that I shouldn’t have come home straight away, but I did.  And I was cranky and frustrated and stressed and it wasn’t a good night. Not for me, not for Mr Man, not for our home.

 So, I’m not coming home now. That’s right; I’m not coming home until I’m ready.  I’m going to go have a cup of tea.  I’m going to lie in the park. I’m going to sit and watch water flow down the river.  I’m going to breathe and relax and forget about the hardness of the day and remember the beauty of my life. 

And that will help. THAT way, I can come home and I can smile, and be happy and I can love. 

The last few months have been. Really hard.

I lost my car. Well, by lost, I mean, we decided to trade it in for a brand new truck. A fantastic awesome truck which we love but which I cant drive.  Yes, that’s right. I’m 30 years old and I am yet to learn how to drive a manual.

I didn’t realise it at the time, but I lost my freedom, and my independence and ability to get in the car and go places on my own. And that meant a lot to me.

At the same time, I’m learning how to drive this big new truck with its clutch and its gears and I just wish I could do it.  But I cant. I try and I fail and then the voice within me, that ‘I’m not good enough’ voice gets louder and louder.  

And it just gets a lot. I’m frustrated with myself and my inability and the amount of bloody emotional shit that I have to drag into simply learning how to drive a manual.

AND then… I left my job. Which turns out also meant a whole lot to me (who knew right?) I got a job much closer to home, better for me, for home, for my family. 

I had a new job to tackle with, a shitty job and I couldn’t talk to my friends every day like I used to.

Now I have another new job. Its frustrating and stressful and very overwhelming.  I’m not a big fan of ‘labels’ but I’m a highly sensitive person and this job leaves me completely overwhelmed and overstimulated every day so I’ve just been feeling much more stressed and anxious ALL the time.

So that brings us to this point and my new found desire to express and love and share and enjoy my life in a new way.

AND at the end of each day,  I am ETERNALLY grateful for THE most wonderful man by my side who is nothing but a constant calm and anchor in my storm of life. I LOVE our life, our home, our pets, and our future.

Tomorrow's forecast - blue skies

Welcome to the relaunch of my blog. It has lain untouch for almost a year while life has given me great surprises, kicks in the gut and plenty of other things to do.

It’s time now, for me to give this whole’ sharing’ online thing another go.  I need to be more honest and open with myself and others. I have to share what I feel  because what I feel matters.  I have to express all that goes on within me and that. Is no.easy. thing.  

So this is a step in the right direction– a daily Blog about my day, my life, my thoughts, my feelings

 I talk, I blog, I share, I open up, I learn that nothing awful is going to happen and that I’m still loved. After a while, I will probably actually start to feel better.  That is how this is going to go.

Join me on this path.  It may just be a wild exciting adventure ( or it may be a little boring, I make no promises.) but I’d sure appreciate your company. 

Yesterday I bought baby food for my kitten. Organic vegetable and tuna puree.  Yummo. 

I've done lots of research lately on the best diet for a kitten/cat. And I'm confused. 

At the orphanage, Kitty was eating a high quality dry food, so I bought some and she has been eating that. 

BUT then I was given info on a raw and natural diet for cats, which is far better for them than any processed foods. This website barf.com.au ( barf stands for Biologically Appropriate Raw Food) says kittens can have raw meat and bones and vegetable matter. 

So then Kitty started having some liver and beef pieces which she kinda liked, as well as some dry food.

BUT then I read the official RSPCA feeding recommendations here kb.rspca.org.au and it says that kittens under 20 weeks should NOT have too much raw meat or liver. 

Oh lord, now I'm overdosing my kitten on Vitamins A and D.  

THEN I read this webite catinfo.com.au that states that cats should NEVER have dry food.  Its based on grains, way too high in carbs and not enough water and leads to lots of health problems.

So then I went to the shops and bought some high quality as-natural- as- possible wet food.  I looked at all the ingredients. Some of the cat food had cheese in it.   Really ? Cheese ? no thanks, put that one back.

 On the shelf was lots of milk for kittens too. Which I find amusing. Is that milk really from a cat? For a kitten ? Uh no. Its from a cow.  Why in the earth would a kitten want milk from a cow ?? 

I also bought some pureed baby food.  The BARF people say that kittens do need some fruit and vegetable matter but you have to be sneaky. So natural baby puree came to mind and I mixed it through Miss Kitty's fresh meat.  She loved it ! 

At the end of the day, I've decided that this kitten is just going to get a bit of everything. Little bit of grain free kibble that I found, little bit of wet food, little bit of veges, a little bit of meat and a bone treat on the weekends.    

Meanwhile, Miss Dog has been loving getting the left over meat that Kitty cant eat.  They'll be playing like loving siblings in no time.. *cough cough* 

update time

Its time for an update on my health goals y'all!

I'm doing quite well cutting out coffee. Most days, I have a weak white tea with no sugar in the morning instead. No coffee at all !!  I haven't had any withdrawal headaches which has been great but I've been SOO much more tired than usual. By 10pm, I'm dead tired.

Once or twice,  I have fallen and had a coffee during the day. ( I can really feel that buzz now!) But that's the only one for the day and I try to ensure that the next day is coffee free.

So far, so good.  I'm hoping I can keep this up when I go back to work. THAT will be the real test.

We have also been having fun enjoying smoothies.. We've had them probably every second day and I've researched some great recipes that I'd like to try out. The first green one I made was a spinach and banana concoction.  I didnt mind it but I dont think Mr Man was too impressed. ( He doesnt like anything banana.) On the weekend, Mr Man made a yummy ice cold pineapple smoothie..

Here's a photo of our sexy blender.

The last recipe I followed called for some raw cocoa powder.  I didnt have any. So I added some Cadbury's chocolate drinking powder instead ( ...is that bad?)

Still, progress is being made!  I am finding that the variety of frozen fruits, vegetables and supplements you need for great smoothies are rather expensive. I'm hoping to get one at a time and slowly develop my smoothies into creations of natural greatness!

In terms of exercise, I've found just walking around the house, doing housework andsome errands at the shop has been enough to cause a day of pain with my knee :(  I'm doing my physio exercises like a good girl and yesterday I got my sister's cross trainer to borrow and use. I'm going to dust it off and give it a whirl soon, I hope it will help strengthen my knee again.

have a great day !

xo Mim

Well its been three weeks so far since I hurt my leg. Three weeks at home. Now despite the painful knee and all that, it has been nice to be home. I've done errands and watched movies. I've read books and done housework. I've cooked dinners and folded laundry and had time to enjoy these things and relax. I've also been busy with appointments and paperwork.  I've also been bored and very frustrated to the point of tears at being stuck in the house and unable to do anything or move without pain.

But. I miss work and I wish I could go back.  I miss my friends and the babies and I miss achieving things and putting in a hard days work.

My knee is recovering slowly. Its weak. Ten minutes of walking and I feel like I've run a marathon. My leg feels like jelly and then the pain starts again. If I keep moving,  my knee will start to swell again. I've had a few sessions of physio so far which help.

But! Only, one more week before I go back to work, so I'm doing lunges and wall squats, trying to get my knee strong enough to do a day's work.  I'm also trying to not do too much walking, I'm taking the drugs and I'm putting ice and heat packs on my knee too.

One more week.

Introducing Miss Kitty

On Friday, we welcomed a new addition to our household!

This is Miss Kitty. She is ultra sweet, playful and affectionate..  ( As I type this, Miss Kitty is sitting on my shoulder, purring into my ear.)

About a week ago, Mr Man casually mentioned having a cat in the house in some random non-specific way. That put the idea in my head and the more I thought about it, the more I really wanted a kitten.

The next day we went and picked one out and paid for it. But a few days later, that fell through (dodgy pet store, don't even get me started! ) and I was really disappointed.  I was really looking forward to it.

After that, Mr Man was determined we would find me a kitten no matter what it took.

But it was tricky, you see. Because its not kitten season. No pet stores had them. A lot of people were selling adult cats but not kittens. It seemed futile.

I had pretty much given up, when Mr Man texted me and said DONT GIVE UP!

So I hopped in the car and went to the local animal shelter around the corner.

And that is where I found Miss Kitty! She had been brought in, unwanted the day before and needed a home.

She's eleven weeks old and we love her. We think she may been a little neglected in her former life, she loves being close to us and meows if we leave the room and she cant find us.  We've tried not to leave her alone for too long.. in other words, Miss Kitty has been very spoilt since she arrived home!

Welcome home Miss Kitty xox