All the way home, all the way to the hospital, I kept on saying 'I'm alright, I'm alright... I'm alright.... I'm alright'. Clearly I wasn't alright. Clearly my body was in shock and I was suffering from concussion.
For the past two days, all I have said is, you guessed it, ' I'm alright..... I'm alright.'
In shock, in denial, not knowing what to feel, that's just what I said.
Thursday was the day that I allowed myself to be NOT alright. I was NOT okay.
And that was okay.
Just because I was only 5 weeks does not mean that I can't grieve for what I lost. My first pregnancy, our first child. Mr Man and I were so far over the moon, we couldn't even see it.
It was sitting in the bath that made me come undone. Looking down to see my soft breasts, my squishy belly, knowing that what was growing was no longer.
This morning the beginnings of my baby went down the drain. That hurt.
Miscarriage is lonely. I felt really lonely despite Mr Man's support and love. Its also quite painful in lots of ways and my heart goes out to every other woman out there who has suffered a miscarriage.
We are going away for a few days and I'm yearning for sunshine and ocean and healing and positivity.
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